I would like to tell you my story of becoming pregnant and having an abortion. When I was 21, I became very depressed as painful emotions came up from the past that revealed I had been abused as a child. I experienced a lot of darkness and pain. Around that time, I met a guy at a festival. We connected a lot and began dating. A few weeks later, I took a pregnancy test as I was concerned I could be pregnant. It was positive. I was really shocked and didn’t know what to do. When I spoke to my boyfriend about it, he was really upset about it and just said I should have an abortion. After I got pregnant he saw me as a problem and no longer really wanted to be together as a couple or be close to me, which was really painful, because I felt really alone in the situation.

I didn’t really have an opinion then on whether abortion was right or wrong. I couldn’t imagine keeping it as I felt so depressed and wasn’t really coping with the emotions of finding out about the abuse. I didn’t feel I could look after a child and give the love a child needed. At the time, I couldn’t imagine having the baby and telling my parents as I felt they would be really angry, and abortion seemed to me at the time to be the only option. I had no real idea what I was doing and what it would be like. I wish I had met someone in that situation who could have reached me with the Truth and with a sense of connection and support.

During the first few weeks of pregnancy, I began feeling a connection with the baby. I could feel that there was another life in me and I remember the connection felt really pure and beautiful. Still though in my mind, I couldn’t imagine another option but to have an abortion. The relationship with my boyfriend was unstable and he didn’t really want to be with me anymore because of the pregnancy. I felt very alone and upset. At the end, I went ahead and had the abortion. After the abortion, when the anesthetic wore off, I remember feeling like a part of my soul had died and I knew things weren’t going to be the same again. I could feel I’d done something wrong and I felt I’d sunk deeper into darkness. I moved to another city and tried to continue my life, but didn’t know really how to deal with things.

The following 4 years were a really difficult time. I was very depressed and the darkness that was in me seemed to create horrible situations in my life. I was unconsciously looking for love and trying to find a way out. I had some relationships that ended up being damaging or abusive. I searched for answers and healing in new-age philosophies and sometimes took drugs, but nothing really helped me or brought healing to my problems. Over this time, I knew the abortion had had a big effect but I didn’t take full responsibility for it, as I still felt I didn’t have another choice (which I now know I did).

After 4 years, things came to a place where I felt I couldn’t cope anymore. I then had an experience where I received prayer and came to know God in my life. I experienced a lot of healing and freedom, and I was set free from the depression I was experiencing. Many years after that, I became aware that I hadn’t fully dealt with the abortion as different emotions were surfacing.

I realized I needed healing from the abortion and took part in a post-abortion counseling course. I learned to receive God’s forgiveness, to be able to forgive myself and others and began to connect to the baby as a real baby. I found it a great healing experience. I also decided I would like to work in the pro-life area in the future and help women who are facing similar situations.

Abortion is seen as normal in the world; the baby in the womb is not really considered life, and when women find out they are pregnant and make the choice to have an abortion, they often don’t understand they are actually taking a life and the consequences that will have. I want to be able to share God’s Truth that a baby in the womb is life and the effect it has on your soul if you take that life through abortion. I’d like to help and support women who are considering abortion and encourage them to make a different choice. I also want to say to those who had abortions that God loves them and His forgiveness and healing are available to them.